xifersbraincookies... whoah!

ABOUT XIFER AND HIS BRAINCOOKIES :::

Xifer Fortier is the on-again-off-again sound guy from the Red Devil Lounge. A fan of music, love and cocktails, he is enjoying spouting off about his experiences in the crazy world of local rock n roll. Tell him you love him, or let him know he should get lost at xifergriddle@hotmail.com

This is sent to our friends in the music community... with love.

::: XIFER'S BRAINCOOKIES ARCHIVES :::

::: MORE INFO

Hey there, go ahead and forward this to your friends... or even better have them sign up for our mailing list (braincookies, show announcements and more) here.

Xifer doesnt book the shows at JSP (we would never allow that)... but you can always contact Sarah for such things.

The Red Devil's website is here.

Come by and have a drink with us. : )

January 6, 2005

And now, the one that got away--

Xifer's Bottom of the Barrell Annoying Crap List for 2004 (one entry only):

1. Fuzzy Boots!

I mean what gives with those things anyway? And more to the point, what gives with year-end Top-10 lists?? I hate Top-10 lists. I'm not sure who to blame exactly. Letterman maybe? Amoeba? Kasey Kasem? Thank every god everywhere that we as a society no longer boast an attention span that allows for a Top-40 list. Frequently charming, deliberately obscure, predictably predicatable, the year-end Top-10 list is a tradition that grows more pointless with every passing year.

Of course I thought about it. Nearly took the bait too. There exists a strange force in the universe that psychically piths every music columnist on Earth every December, allowing them to believe (however briefly) that their Top-10 list is some crucial barometer for whether or not their loyal readership did enough cool shit over the course of the calendar year.

I say, "Fuck my year-end Top-10 list." It sure would be fascinating to...um...well, ME, but what's the point? If for some reason YOU were at MY favorite shows of the year, and they impacted YOU the same way they did ME, then great! Let's go see more music! Yay, us (we're so goddamn cool)! But do you really need to piss away another 30 seconds reading the essay I edited to Cliff-notes length describing the transcendantly tear-splattered nirvana that I AND EVERY OTHER COLUMNIST IN TOWN experienced hearing Brian Wilson perform 'Smile' at Davies Symphony Hall??! Ferchrissake, were there any NON-columnists there??

Facts:

If you weren't there, an Xifer-penned mini-paragraph doesn't help. If you were there, a toss-off mention in a Top-10 list does nothing to enhance your wistful memories of an amazing musical experience. To be fair, the small value I see in the Top-10 list concept is how gracefully it translates to good press for local acts that might not be getting enough attention since we're all too busy writing about Brian Wilson. Its short. Its fast. Its easy to put in a press package. Imagine the smile on Dylan Magierek (Badman Recording Co. CEO)'s face when he gets to add to his press page for Call & Response, "...made Bart Davenport's top 10 list for 2004."

Oh, and a big honorable mention to Loquat for including "..San Francisco's awesome live sound engineers" in their top 10 in the Bay Guardian. Heart-warming, folks. I mean it, and I'm certain I speak for John Karr, Gabe Nahshon, Josh Lando, Jamie Hill, John Breglia, Jason Stokes, Mark Pistol, Marcel Cacdac, Tigi Coyle-Johnson, Keith Yansurak, Sue Kearny, Jerry Marquez, Kim "tough love" Greiss and a host of others. Anyway, its 2005. We're done. We've had it. My ass is a little sore. Now we begin again. I'm gonna get a haircut, go visit my family in New Hampshire for a week and set about strategizing on how to make '05 better and more satisfying than '04.

Doesn't sound too terribly difficult, does it?

Here's the OTHER one that got away:

The Braincookies from just after Halloween somehow never made it out of the starting gate and into your loving arms. My editor said it was one of the best ones ever and while its been up on the site for a while, we agree its a cryin-ass shame it never saw the proper light of day. Read and remember what November was like for as long as your stomach can bear it.

Now -- You look a little tired. Get some rest. Thanks for reading.

-Xifer

November 22, 2004

We're fucked now for sure, Oh yes, we're fucked now for sure, Everybody sing together, We're fucked now for sure. Just 2 weeks ago you were masterminding a group costume for Halloween in the Castro. Suddenly election day enters with a whoop and exits with a whimper. The most masterfully executed fraudulent election in history is over and uncontested and here's what I have to say about it: Howdee and happy holidays from Braincookies.

What's that you say? Too damn early to be caroling, hanging evergreens on doors and depositing gourds in corners of the livng room? Bullshit. Its gonna happen pretty fast, folks. It always does. Why do you think we have elections in November?? Election-fraud investigations can really harsh your yuletide plans. Go on a big crusade about it and you're not just a marginalized lefty, you're also a Scrooge. So I give up. I'm just one guy who plays in a band, twists a buncha knobs, makes sure the backing tracks don't play the wrong song, and writes a column every now and again. I'm your chief enabler. I'm giving you permission--Go ahead and forget about the future of the country and the free world--its beginning to look alot like Xmas!

I mean, it sure does FEEL like holidays out there, dunnit? In a half-hearted salute to east-coast and midwestern autumnal patterns, the leaves of the Bay Area collude to turn brown and collapse into parks, medians and curbsides on the same day and WHOMP! Its autumn. Sweaters return to the wardrobe fold, the keys to Ocean Beach are unceremoniously returned to surfers and seaguls. The campaign courtship of shoppers to buy buy buy has been creeping into our consciousness like carbon monoxide since the day 2 months ago when those halloween costume shops popped up in vacant storefronts on BOTH sides of the street like friggin' freeway Burger Kings.

So since the world is going directly to hell without a toothbrush AND we have so much to celebrate, I pose a practical question: How do we band folks get a piece of holiday ass? I mean action? I mean how do we take a perceived disadvantage and use a little well-appointed band-FU to turn it all around?

For most bands, the holiday season is the year's biggest excuse, to wit: It's hard to book shows around "the holidays." So many folks are outta town or have other plans or don't have any cash since they're buying presents, throwing dinner parties and hittin' the Trader Joe's for cases of champagne. Its an excuse to not play much or not promote much or generally disbelieve in the power of music to claim it's rightful place in this traditionally celebrational season, which, I should point out, comprises about 1/6th of the calendar year. You've got your Thanksgiving, your Channukka, your Kwaanza, your Boxing Day (Can., U.K.), your New Year, and your 12 Dog Days of Xmas. Sagitarius and Capricorn birthdays too. All angles rife with cross-promotional possibilities.

So, hark! A couple of obtuse herald angles:

Holiday themed shows are good fun. My pals in Chow Nasty are boldly staging a fat noelephantine extravaganza at the Red Devil Lounge on Friday, December 17. The first annual "Very Nasty Christmas" they're calling it. I'm calling it a strong move to the hoop for a band who's working on a new record (with 'Stankonia' knob-twister, Jason Stokes, producing) and wants to expand their name recognition. If you've never seen Chow Nasty, get on it. They're a beautifully abrasive combination of gutter-guitar, swamp-bass, lo-fi synths, drum machines, harmonica, and atrocious table manners--not entirely unlike greco-roman wrestling on a bed made of flower-pedals and broken glass. Also on the Nasty bill are The Dead Hensons who are rumored to be polishing up a couple songs from 'Emmett Otter's Jugband Christmas.' Its looking like a dress-code of sweaters and turtlenecks will be more or less enforced.

They're even making eggnog--that unlikely albatross of cocktails that begs the question: What OTHER nogs exist that we are compelled to clarify that this here is EGGnog. Had any cornnog lately? I thought not. Cheesenog anyone? Thanks, no. I'm trying to cut down. Now THERE's an idea for a limitted edition merch-table item: the little demi-tasse cup with band logo on one side and the word, "NOG," on the other. Makes a great if perplexing stocking stuffer.

And speaking of merch-stuff, when was the last time anybody did a scene-based compilation Xmas disc? First of all, they're priceless to (shameless self-interest alert) sound engineers at clubs who wanna play something really goddamn cool and ironic between sets in December. You could pretty much bank on getting played in ALOT of Bay Area clubs somewhere between John & Yoko's 'Happy Xmas (War is Over)' and the Del Fuegos 'Punchbowl Full of Joy.' AND music media looooooves the convenient opportunity to review a bunch of bands all at once while satisfying their stressed out editors with cherry-filled holiday tie ins. It strikes me that frequent college radio airplay AND well-placed press might not be hard to achieve with some sorta scene-spanning yuletide collection.

It could be all original songs, or Christmas carols, OR (for the truly sadistic) covers of all the less-than-dazzling holiday classics the kids turned out like radiation-contaminated sausage links for 70's and 80's FM radio. 'Christmas is a Time to Say I Love You' by Billy Squire, 'Father Christmas' by the Kinks, '2000 Miles' by the Pretenders, 'Another Lonely Christmas', by Prince (it was the B-Side to 'I Would Die 4U'), Bon Jovi's 'Back Door Santa,' Slade's 'Merry Xmas Everybody,' Band Aid's 'Do They Know Its Christmastime,' The Pogues 'Fairytale of New York,' The Ramones' 'Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight)', McCartney's 'Wonderful Christmastime'...oy ve...better shut my pie hole before I make myself ill...

Anyway, I realize compilations are not quick or easy, but why not get started now -- managing the project, rounding up bands, crunching numbers, and establishing some sorta schedule that gets songs in by March, art done by April, replication done by June, and suddenly -- its NEXT October and folks are buying your comp. Who's up?!! I'd do it myself, but I'm involved in a pretty time-consuming holiday project myself. If you hear someone in your room in the middle of the night, its not a burgler or Homeland Security. Its just me quietly measuring you since I'm making sweaters for everyone I've ever met. Don't make a peep now. In the great tradition of the American electorate, just roll over and go back to sleep.

ABOUT XIFER AND HIS BRAINCOOKIES ::: Xifer Fortier is the on-again-off-again sound guy from the Red Devil Lounge. A fan of music, love and cocktails, he is enjoying spouting off about his experiences in the crazy world of local rock n roll. Tell him you love him, or let him know he should get lost at xifergriddle@hotmail.com This is sent to our friends in the music community... with love.	::: XIFER'S BRAINCOOKIES ARCHIVES ::: July 28, 2004 \| here February 23 , 2004 \| here Nov 12, 2003 \| here Sept 3, 2003 \| here Aug 26, 2003 \| here Aug 22, 2003 \| here Aug 14, 2003 \| here Aug 6, 2003 \| here July 30, 2003 \| here July 23, 2003 \| here July 16, 2003 \| here	::: MORE INFO Hey there, go ahead and forward this to your friends... or even better have them sign up for our mailing list (braincookies, show announcements and more) here. Xifer doesnt book the shows at JSP (we would never allow that)... but you can always contact Sarah for such things. The Red Devil's website is here. Come by and have a drink with us. : )

January 6, 2005 And now, the one that got away-- Xifer's Bottom of the Barrell Annoying Crap List for 2004 (one entry only): 1. Fuzzy Boots! I mean what gives with those things anyway? And more to the point, what gives with year-end Top-10 lists?? I hate Top-10 lists. I'm not sure who to blame exactly. Letterman maybe? Amoeba? Kasey Kasem? Thank every god everywhere that we as a society no longer boast an attention span that allows for a Top-40 list. Frequently charming, deliberately obscure, predictably predicatable, the year-end Top-10 list is a tradition that grows more pointless with every passing year. Of course I thought about it. Nearly took the bait too. There exists a strange force in the universe that psychically piths every music columnist on Earth every December, allowing them to believe (however briefly) that their Top-10 list is some crucial barometer for whether or not their loyal readership did enough cool shit over the course of the calendar year. I say, "Fuck my year-end Top-10 list." It sure would be fascinating to...um...well, ME, but what's the point? If for some reason YOU were at MY favorite shows of the year, and they impacted YOU the same way they did ME, then great! Let's go see more music! Yay, us (we're so goddamn cool)! But do you really need to piss away another 30 seconds reading the essay I edited to Cliff-notes length describing the transcendantly tear-splattered nirvana that I AND EVERY OTHER COLUMNIST IN TOWN experienced hearing Brian Wilson perform 'Smile' at Davies Symphony Hall??! Ferchrissake, were there any NON-columnists there?? Facts: If you weren't there, an Xifer-penned mini-paragraph doesn't help. If you were there, a toss-off mention in a Top-10 list does nothing to enhance your wistful memories of an amazing musical experience. To be fair, the small value I see in the Top-10 list concept is how gracefully it translates to good press for local acts that might not be getting enough attention since we're all too busy writing about Brian Wilson. Its short. Its fast. Its easy to put in a press package. Imagine the smile on Dylan Magierek (Badman Recording Co. CEO)'s face when he gets to add to his press page for Call & Response, "...made Bart Davenport's top 10 list for 2004." Oh, and a big honorable mention to Loquat for including "..San Francisco's awesome live sound engineers" in their top 10 in the Bay Guardian. Heart-warming, folks. I mean it, and I'm certain I speak for John Karr, Gabe Nahshon, Josh Lando, Jamie Hill, John Breglia, Jason Stokes, Mark Pistol, Marcel Cacdac, Tigi Coyle-Johnson, Keith Yansurak, Sue Kearny, Jerry Marquez, Kim "tough love" Greiss and a host of others. Anyway, its 2005. We're done. We've had it. My ass is a little sore. Now we begin again. I'm gonna get a haircut, go visit my family in New Hampshire for a week and set about strategizing on how to make '05 better and more satisfying than '04. Doesn't sound too terribly difficult, does it? Here's the OTHER one that got away: The Braincookies from just after Halloween somehow never made it out of the starting gate and into your loving arms. My editor said it was one of the best ones ever and while its been up on the site for a while, we agree its a cryin-ass shame it never saw the proper light of day. Read and remember what November was like for as long as your stomach can bear it. Now -- You look a little tired. Get some rest. Thanks for reading. -Xifer	November 22, 2004 We're fucked now for sure, Oh yes, we're fucked now for sure, Everybody sing together, We're fucked now for sure. Just 2 weeks ago you were masterminding a group costume for Halloween in the Castro. Suddenly election day enters with a whoop and exits with a whimper. The most masterfully executed fraudulent election in history is over and uncontested and here's what I have to say about it: Howdee and happy holidays from Braincookies. What's that you say? Too damn early to be caroling, hanging evergreens on doors and depositing gourds in corners of the livng room? Bullshit. Its gonna happen pretty fast, folks. It always does. Why do you think we have elections in November?? Election-fraud investigations can really harsh your yuletide plans. Go on a big crusade about it and you're not just a marginalized lefty, you're also a Scrooge. So I give up. I'm just one guy who plays in a band, twists a buncha knobs, makes sure the backing tracks don't play the wrong song, and writes a column every now and again. I'm your chief enabler. I'm giving you permission--Go ahead and forget about the future of the country and the free world--its beginning to look alot like Xmas! I mean, it sure does FEEL like holidays out there, dunnit? In a half-hearted salute to east-coast and midwestern autumnal patterns, the leaves of the Bay Area collude to turn brown and collapse into parks, medians and curbsides on the same day and WHOMP! Its autumn. Sweaters return to the wardrobe fold, the keys to Ocean Beach are unceremoniously returned to surfers and seaguls. The campaign courtship of shoppers to buy buy buy has been creeping into our consciousness like carbon monoxide since the day 2 months ago when those halloween costume shops popped up in vacant storefronts on BOTH sides of the street like friggin' freeway Burger Kings. So since the world is going directly to hell without a toothbrush AND we have so much to celebrate, I pose a practical question: How do we band folks get a piece of holiday ass? I mean action? I mean how do we take a perceived disadvantage and use a little well-appointed band-FU to turn it all around? For most bands, the holiday season is the year's biggest excuse, to wit: It's hard to book shows around "the holidays." So many folks are outta town or have other plans or don't have any cash since they're buying presents, throwing dinner parties and hittin' the Trader Joe's for cases of champagne. Its an excuse to not play much or not promote much or generally disbelieve in the power of music to claim it's rightful place in this traditionally celebrational season, which, I should point out, comprises about 1/6th of the calendar year. You've got your Thanksgiving, your Channukka, your Kwaanza, your Boxing Day (Can., U.K.), your New Year, and your 12 Dog Days of Xmas. Sagitarius and Capricorn birthdays too. All angles rife with cross-promotional possibilities. So, hark! A couple of obtuse herald angles:	Holiday themed shows are good fun. My pals in Chow Nasty are boldly staging a fat noelephantine extravaganza at the Red Devil Lounge on Friday, December 17. The first annual "Very Nasty Christmas" they're calling it. I'm calling it a strong move to the hoop for a band who's working on a new record (with 'Stankonia' knob-twister, Jason Stokes, producing) and wants to expand their name recognition. If you've never seen Chow Nasty, get on it. They're a beautifully abrasive combination of gutter-guitar, swamp-bass, lo-fi synths, drum machines, harmonica, and atrocious table manners--not entirely unlike greco-roman wrestling on a bed made of flower-pedals and broken glass. Also on the Nasty bill are The Dead Hensons who are rumored to be polishing up a couple songs from 'Emmett Otter's Jugband Christmas.' Its looking like a dress-code of sweaters and turtlenecks will be more or less enforced. They're even making eggnog--that unlikely albatross of cocktails that begs the question: What OTHER nogs exist that we are compelled to clarify that this here is EGGnog. Had any cornnog lately? I thought not. Cheesenog anyone? Thanks, no. I'm trying to cut down. Now THERE's an idea for a limitted edition merch-table item: the little demi-tasse cup with band logo on one side and the word, "NOG," on the other. Makes a great if perplexing stocking stuffer. And speaking of merch-stuff, when was the last time anybody did a scene-based compilation Xmas disc? First of all, they're priceless to (shameless self-interest alert) sound engineers at clubs who wanna play something really goddamn cool and ironic between sets in December. You could pretty much bank on getting played in ALOT of Bay Area clubs somewhere between John & Yoko's 'Happy Xmas (War is Over)' and the Del Fuegos 'Punchbowl Full of Joy.' AND music media looooooves the convenient opportunity to review a bunch of bands all at once while satisfying their stressed out editors with cherry-filled holiday tie ins. It strikes me that frequent college radio airplay AND well-placed press might not be hard to achieve with some sorta scene-spanning yuletide collection. It could be all original songs, or Christmas carols, OR (for the truly sadistic) covers of all the less-than-dazzling holiday classics the kids turned out like radiation-contaminated sausage links for 70's and 80's FM radio. 'Christmas is a Time to Say I Love You' by Billy Squire, 'Father Christmas' by the Kinks, '2000 Miles' by the Pretenders, 'Another Lonely Christmas', by Prince (it was the B-Side to 'I Would Die 4U'), Bon Jovi's 'Back Door Santa,' Slade's 'Merry Xmas Everybody,' Band Aid's 'Do They Know Its Christmastime,' The Pogues 'Fairytale of New York,' The Ramones' 'Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight)', McCartney's 'Wonderful Christmastime'...oy ve...better shut my pie hole before I make myself ill... Anyway, I realize compilations are not quick or easy, but why not get started now -- managing the project, rounding up bands, crunching numbers, and establishing some sorta schedule that gets songs in by March, art done by April, replication done by June, and suddenly -- its NEXT October and folks are buying your comp. Who's up?!! I'd do it myself, but I'm involved in a pretty time-consuming holiday project myself. If you hear someone in your room in the middle of the night, its not a burgler or Homeland Security. Its just me quietly measuring you since I'm making sweaters for everyone I've ever met. Don't make a peep now. In the great tradition of the American electorate, just roll over and go back to sleep.